My mom was a writer. She kept stacks and stacks of journals about all sorts of things. When she passed away at only 48, those journals became much of her story. They are her way of still talking to me, and teaching me. Every year on my birthday for the past four years, I have written little messages to my future self in much the same way. I think it helps me maintain perspective on all the changes in my life, and it reminds me how far I have come each year. Also, life is short and I have a lot to say. (Duh).

So today, as I turn the big 2-5, I decided to get a little deeper than chemical-free soap on ya’ll and share my progress note. Not because everyone needs a reminder of how wonderful I am (although really that’s what birthdays are about), but because I think this milestone can create a little bit of an existential crisis for a lot of people—especially us ladies.

I don’t know if its because I am constantly confronted with my own mortality at school or in clinics or what, but have been thinking and talking to people for months about what it means to be 25, and what makes this time in our lives special. Most of the conversation usually turns to “you can rent a car!” or “OMG we are so old” or “seriously stop, I am twice your age”. Admittedly, as young as I may actually be, I have been a little scared about getting any older. I have been caught up in the engagement photos and baby pictures and the doctor shows about sad, lonely 30 something’s still having random sex in call rooms.  I find myself at a crossroads between my crazy young self—and the grown up, professional me. Is there a happy medium where I should exist without constantly feeling in limbo? (Do I need to make a Britney Spears reference here?) Well, this morning when I woke up with “22” by Taylor Swift stuck in my head, instead of thinking it was the aging gods taunting me, I realized that being 25 is going to be wonderful.

For starters, I have survived and moved past a lot of other milestone ages (this is a big deal if you knew me in high school). I can navigate the world as an independent adult. I have lived in four US time zones. I went away to college. I got a masters degree in a big city. I’ve had relationships good and bad. I’ve made new best friends and grown with the old. In the past 25 years I have lived a lot, lost a lot, loved a lot, and grown…a lot. Perhaps I am starting to finally accumulate the kind of experience that I think makes one wise, and I still have plenty of energy and momentum to use that going forward.

I may not be going out for a power-hour tonight, but I am certainly still young enough to be a bit of a slop-a-potamus in a bar and send some quality drunk texts. I may occasionally not get carded at liquor stores, but I can still eat and drink and keep my figure. I am starting to fathom having a family and being a doctor someday, but I still sleep with Mr. Moose and hashtag #everything. I still enjoying being a student, and learning everything I can while I can. Right now I am a backpack-by-day and black pumps-by-night kinda woman, and that to me is living the dream.

While it may seem like there is a lot of pressure to do things a certain way, or in a certain order, or by a certain time—there really isn’t. Everyone makes their own way in life, in their own time. The grass doesn’t have to be greener on the other side. Some people could never imagine doing what I do, why should I spend so much time looking over at their lawn? Ultimately, I think the answer is that there isn’t a happy medium for the mid twenties. It’s being in this limbo that makes this time so great, so exciting. At 25 we are products of our past, but our slates are still clean enough for our future.

I know its scary sometimes hoping that the mystical unicorn called “the future” works out the way we always hoped. Come to think of it, the future I imagined as a little girl, or even a year ago, looked nothing like this moment in time right now. This is why I have decided I am exactly where I should be. I have chosen to be happy. I am surrounded by love, and truly living every day.

So the rest of this decade is dedicated to me, my wonderful friends, my career, boycotting Sea World, and all of the adventures that come my way. My glittery cup has never been more full, and I am so truly thankful for all of the people in my life who unconditionally contribute to that.

T-Swift can have her 22, because I am taking 25 by storm.

Cheers!

Courtney